You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
