I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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