Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
