can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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