Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
