Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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