and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
