I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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