ugly people sure do ruin things
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
