You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize