As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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