New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
