Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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