When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
