Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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