I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
