I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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