he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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