This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
