I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
