in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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