Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The air taste purple.
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