I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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