I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
