you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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