Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
