I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
