if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's always time for handjobs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
