I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
