i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
