Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
