I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
