Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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