I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he shaved USA in his pubs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
