call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
