So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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