Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
