absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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