Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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