This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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