Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
