Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
