just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
