Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish you could order shots online.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
