I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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