She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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