she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we should paint friendship bongs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
