I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
