I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
