Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
