You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish I could teleport
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
