I'll bet she douches with gravy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
