Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
